Monday, July 11, 2011

It's been a while since i really wrote on here. So here goes.
Where to start. My life is still not busy or anything exciting but i am still caught in the past and my day dreams which are all day now. But I'm working on being happy! Living in the moment and finding myself. Creating a new beginning you may say. I have stop talking to my ex D like 3 or 4 weeks ago. I have finally realized me and him will new work as friends or anything more for that matter. Trust me we have tried ( by we i really me). He is who is and he is not going to change his way. No matter how much i keep telling my self all the reasons why we can't be friends or anything more (which i really wanna be!) I still can't seem to stop myself from fantasying about us being a happy couple. Truth is we did love each other (maybe) but not enough to be happy or stay together. No matter how much he is or was an ass to me i still will never stop having feels for him and i learned that the hard way. But you know what i think he found someone that makes him happy and sad to say but it wasn't me. Its been almost three years now that we been stuck on each other and no matter who we dated we still wanted that kiss, hug, holding hands, and that cuddle to be with each other not that person we really were with. But now I'm beginning to know that he deleted all my txts, my number, my pics on his phone and anywhere else, my voice from his memory, my kiss from his lips, his fantasy about me, his desire to only want me,everything i ever gave him or told him. ALL OF IT DELETED! GONE!
I'm not going to say just because he find that person to forget me, that it still doesn't hurt. It hurts a lot! I felt like my heart was torn out of my chest and i couldn't breath.
I don't know a 100% if he is dating someone or liking someone. I just want him to be happy and i clearly didn't make him. But i will say this i will get that one last day to say goodbye!

That is my sad love story but listen this is my second chance at life. I plan on making all my dreams come true and I'm not talking about guys or exs. Right now I'm focusing on getting a job and finishing my book! I have been trying to eat healthy and have started exercising which has really helped a lot. That's what has been getting me through these dark days! I'm trying to focus on my future not my past (even though everyday my past keeps creeping in my head!). I'm pulling myself up and not wanting to depend on other people to make me happy. I use to text a lot like 24/7, yes i was a crazy texter. If you saw me i would have my head down and my phone out texting every minute of the day but now i don't even touch my phone. I have stopped taking my phone everywhere i go (literary!)  now you don't see me text just rarely now. Even my best friend (my sis) said the other day she texted me a pic and heard my phone getting a text she said "I miss that sound." Anyways that's my life and my story take it how ever you want. For me I like to think of it as a brand you beginning.

1 comment:

MG said...

goodluck to your brand new beginning ^_^