Tuesday, September 7, 2010

meetings suck!

I found myself sitting in a chair surrounded by teachers and my mom.
Have you ever had those dreams where you were having a nightmare but you were awake?
Well thats how i was feeling, not that it was a nightmare just felt like i was looking at it from outside the dream. not in the dream. Like almost like a two sided mirror. Me the reflection and them on the other side. I could hear them talking about me like i wasn't there. Oh no don't get me wrong my teachers weren't talking bad they were doing the opposite. I must have heard teachers say this a hundered times! Im dead serious!
"She has good grades in my class. All her assignments turned in on time."
"She is quiet and does all her work. She is one of my best (or great) student."
"She has been good on making all her work up." Well you get the picture.
I just learned to smile and nod gets them the reaction they want and i look sweet doing it and "quiet".
Why do we have to be labled all the time!~ Come on now!~
"Loud" or "Quiet"!
Why do we have to be either or? And if we are quiet so what?? Whats the big deal??
It's not like you can catch it or it's a horrible disease being "Quiet".
Why don't people make a big deal about being "Loud"?
Like "Quiet" is so much worse!
When people think of me the first word is"quiet!" argg soo annoying!

Anyways i can feel my mom not thinking im all those things my teachers said. I don't know why she thinks bad of me!? She is like i have an attutide probably only because she is annoying!
I feel like my mom just wants more for me like she isn't happy for what i am and the grades i get in school. Like she wants an excuse to be disappointed or something. I don't know. It's just that she doesn't get happy or pround like my teachers do when they talk about good things about me. Yeah she is smiling when they say good things but it doesn't feel like a real one.
One of the teachers were telling her my AIMS scores and i meet all the AIMS so i passed all of them but she didn't seem to care! It was a huge deal for me i was over the moon when i passed my last AIMS test. It was for math. I suck at math! But now I'm just happy for me! I did it for me and only me! Not her or my parents or teachers or anyone just for ME!

I learned a long time ago that the only person that matters in this life and the next is................YOU!
Do things for you, push yourself to do better. Not to make other people happy because in the end whos going to make you happy??
Is it worth wasn't your life on making other people happy?
You only live once!

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