Thursday, May 20, 2010

Speechless

Break down....

So much has happened and just full of drama i guess. Well my ex boyfriend surprised me today at school and it was a shocker. I'm still shaken up. I was walking with my boyfriend and i heard my name was being called but i didn't know who it was. I thought it was just my friend messing with me and i thought oh ill talk to him later so i kept walking and i heard a lot of people calling my name...I turned and saw a group of people and my eyes went straight to my ex and i was waving before i saw who was calling me and my hand just dropped and so did my heart. He looked at me in my eyes and i looked in his but he was far and i turned back and kept walking as my body just shut down and my brain just went blank.

My boyfriend asked me if i wanted to talk to them my friends that were calling me and i said " no" without thinking.

"No its Ok. go talk to them." My boyfriend replied.

I said "OK" and he waited there and i walked a little more and my Ex and his friend were walking towards me they were holding hands. When they reached me they let go and went kind of a part leaving space between them.

"Hey. I came because of her." he said looking at the girl he was with. They were going out?? I didn't care about that i was too worried about my body and the feelings i was having right then and there.

When he said "ill tell you later." meaning he would tell me what later?? I don't know. But he said i had a nice shirt and it was really awkward. I asked if i could get a picture of him and pulled out my camera

"No not by myself. you take one with me." He backed away a little.

"Ok" I replied and had his friend take the picture of us.

"I don't know how to do this." he said before we took the picture.

Saying that he didn't know how close he should be or if he could put his arm around me since my boyfriend was inches away and i was his ex and maybe not in front of his girlfriend?? We just got close and the first picture his friend told him to do something funny and boy it wasn't funny..he was looking down at me staring at me like he was in love with me as i looked at the camera smiling. The second one he was looking at the camera and smiled and so was I.

Afterwards he said bye and we walked away i couldn't look back it was too hard. All I could think about was him after and that's all I can think about now. My body just felt all shaky and nervous and tickling inside. I never felt like that ever. Only when i was dating him. Maybe that's why i loved him...I felt like crying because seeing him is different then texting. Seeing him was like it was real. My body wants him every thing in body was like it went haywire and my heart belongs to my boyfriend. But i Hate my ex for doing that to me. For showing up at of no warning or anything and i hate him for making me feel like this. When I just got over him, when me and my boyfriend are finally good again. But deep inside of me was shocked to see him and happy like i wanted to grab him and hug him so tight not letting go..but my boyfriend..

So now I'm home and freaking out still well I'm texting my ex and I'm still shaken up and I can't stop wanting to just stare at the pictures we just took.

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