Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I'm currently trying to write a book. I want to be an author. I have been frustrated lately because I'm worried that I don't have what it takes to write a book and the details I have to put to make it sound like a real book. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess my fear is I'm not a great enough writer to make this book. I'm scared of failing and maybe I wasn't meant to be an author or anything. I see people writing an amazing books and I think to myself that's going to be one day. I guess I'm just frustrated with my life and with no social outlet. My life is my book but at the same time don't you need inspires with your everyday life with friends, boyfriends or work but I have none of that. Which brings me to my frustration. UGH!!! I'm so done over thinking. I quit my job to dedicate my time to my book and now I feel like if I don't finish it the end of this month. I feel like its a waste or something because I could have been working and making money instead of doing nothing. Even though it was nice doing nothing. I feel like I'm failing. Now I'm stressing!!!!
Comment I need some inspires or anything really. I think I'm going insane. Later guys.  

Thursday, August 4, 2011

It hurts losing a boyfriend of almost two years but it feels like someone pushed you off a cliff losing a best friend.
I'm falling with at the bottom there is no safety net or my best friend to catch me!!


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Update!!

So i have been reading "the secert" it helpped me get out of my dark days and i have learned many things. But important of all i learned to truthly love my self and not in the shallow way in the healthy way to not let others put me down or disrespect me! The book talked about breaking out of your shall and living life soo here is my story! I had such an awesome day. Let me start from the beginging.
I woke up and my big sister was bitching about it was late and we couldn't go see Crazy stupid love because she was going out later with her boyfriend. So my mom, 2 sisters, and my brothers girlfriend and I went to fashion squar to go look around and get out of the house. So i was on a happy high! I just woke up happy and i started thinking nothing but happy thoughts and i decided i was going to have a great day to day! So i did! I wore skinny jeans with brown boots and a gray undershirt with a half shirt on top and i was feeling good about myself. I was looking around at clothes for me at Macys and i found one white shirt that was too much money for me so i didn't get it. That didn't get me down so me and my sis got a $1 bill and wrote good look in green sharpy and taped it in side a bathroom stall. We did this because in the book the secert says give with good meaning and it will come back to you. So we did it to give someone a dollar and we were all excided and so we left the bathroom and went down to the makeup. While my sis was getting her makeup i was sitting by myself just in my lala land happy! I saw this girl wearing a orangy-reddish color shirt it hung off her shoulders and it was really pretty with out thinking i just said " I like your shirt!" The girl was off guard and said "Thank you," i don't know if she was just surprised or if she was just stuck up but either way i felt good saying it. If you knew me you would know i am the shy type i wouldn't do stuff like that or anything like that! I am very depressed person and to see me happy is a rare. Anyways i saw this cute guy at one of those stands like at the ipod covers and stuff but its a cart. He was looking at me checking me out and so my sis told me to get his number just for fun and i thought he was cute. I really wanted to go ask for his number becuase i never have done that and it got me excided. To break out of my shall and do something crazy like that, that i never done before. So my sis phone was ringing and just walked up to him. He looked at me waiting for me to speak.
"do you have a girlfriend?" i asked as i walked up to him while he sat down.
"Umm not at the moment," his replie as he looked down neverously
"Can i have your number?" I ask with a smile across my face.
"My phone is not working right now," he looks at down infront of him as he tapes on the screen to prove his point.
He gives me his number anyways so i can text him when he gets his phone on.
He takes paper out of the recipe thing and scribbles on the paper saying his name is Tanner. What a stupid name!
I then says "don't you want my number?"
"Yea, that would be good," he says.
Then i give it to him and well walk away. So i was just soo happy that i actually did that and got a cute guys number!! I couldn't believe i did it! I'm like the most shy person in the world i would have never done that so this was awesome for me!!
My day conutine getting better. I was still walking the mall feeling on cloud nine. Then my guy friend txts me. Me and him have a good relationship at one time he liked me but we never went out. So he was texting me but flirting with me too and i was just soo happy i was going along with it. Then when my mom, my sis and i are waiting for my other sis and brothers girlfriend to hurry up. Tanner texts me and we start texting and it is all fun and new and exciding. I get home and all of a sudden my phone is gettting soo many texts i can't even finish eating. When before my phone felt like it was asleep for a long time all of a sudden my phone was getting all these texts one after another it was litrary crazy! So i was still texting tanner and just because i wouldn't send him a dirty pic of myself he was all pissed. He was texting me like "ooh send me a pic that will make me want to come over there." I didn't send it but i did text him "You are fine but not that fine!" He blow up on me calling all kinds of names and disrespecting me as a women and my race as mexican!! I just told him he was a spoiled white boy that was basicly gonna die alone. I mean he had a good body but he could not treat me like that disrespect me! I ended the conversation with a pic of my hand flipping him off saying hope he enjoyed the pic and didn't his mom teach him not to disrespect women! And that was that! But i was still proud of myself for even going up to a guy and asking him for a number! Even though he was an ass i wasn't gonna bend for his wants just because i wanted him to like me. I many not ask a guy for his number for a while but i will ask the right guy for his number and i know it wasn't him. He was lucky enough to have had the chance in talking for me for the while he had! Never judge a book by its cover. Plus this white guy was an ass!! While that was my day and now i'm falling asleep.
If you want more details just ask.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The girl bowed her head, letting the tears fall from her eyes, with every tear that fells is every heart break!



Wednesday, July 27, 2011

So I got a new phone and it is amazing!! Tell me what you think..

Sunday, July 17, 2011

These were the earrings my mom bought me from her trip to Spain!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day 4

This is the 4th day of exercising let's just say my stomach has been shrinking slowly and getting tighter. So I guess the pain is worth the healthy feeling. My muscles have been getting sore but that just means the exercising is working!! I have been feeling soo much better these days. You have no idea how much better and happy i feel! I feel accomplished and slowly getting healthy. Now i just have to get some healthy food and keep pushing myself! I thought you might get a laugh out of this story. I go in my backyard to exercising running jumping rope but i really like running better but i do both. So i convinced my big sister to exercise with me (i brought her to the dark side hehe!). My sister finally came to join me outside and i had put my headphones in and i guess she was talking to me but i couldn't hear her and i took off running. I stop and find my sister nowhere to be found thinking my fucking sister left me but as i catch my breath i see my sister running towards me. She was running after me! I couldn't stop laughing my ass off! My sister and me just started cracking up we couldn't stop laughing! It hurt because we were out of breath to. She was talking to me and i had took off running and i guess she was running after me to catch up to me but she couldn't. She was like "you're too fast i couldn't catch up to you." It was the funniest shit! I haven't laughed like that in soo long. That's my exercising story.

Reasons for exercising
1) I feel happy
2) I'm getting healthy and skinner is a bonus!
3) I'm active
4) I'm getting sleepy! (that's the main reason i did this!)

I'm getting sleepy and I'm hungry. That pb& j is calling my name and soo is that glass of milk! Then I'm off to bed to dream of me floating on a fluffy blue cloud with nothing but the stars staring down at me and filled with happiness.

Monday, July 11, 2011

It's been a while since i really wrote on here. So here goes.
Where to start. My life is still not busy or anything exciting but i am still caught in the past and my day dreams which are all day now. But I'm working on being happy! Living in the moment and finding myself. Creating a new beginning you may say. I have stop talking to my ex D like 3 or 4 weeks ago. I have finally realized me and him will new work as friends or anything more for that matter. Trust me we have tried ( by we i really me). He is who is and he is not going to change his way. No matter how much i keep telling my self all the reasons why we can't be friends or anything more (which i really wanna be!) I still can't seem to stop myself from fantasying about us being a happy couple. Truth is we did love each other (maybe) but not enough to be happy or stay together. No matter how much he is or was an ass to me i still will never stop having feels for him and i learned that the hard way. But you know what i think he found someone that makes him happy and sad to say but it wasn't me. Its been almost three years now that we been stuck on each other and no matter who we dated we still wanted that kiss, hug, holding hands, and that cuddle to be with each other not that person we really were with. But now I'm beginning to know that he deleted all my txts, my number, my pics on his phone and anywhere else, my voice from his memory, my kiss from his lips, his fantasy about me, his desire to only want me,everything i ever gave him or told him. ALL OF IT DELETED! GONE!
I'm not going to say just because he find that person to forget me, that it still doesn't hurt. It hurts a lot! I felt like my heart was torn out of my chest and i couldn't breath.
I don't know a 100% if he is dating someone or liking someone. I just want him to be happy and i clearly didn't make him. But i will say this i will get that one last day to say goodbye!

That is my sad love story but listen this is my second chance at life. I plan on making all my dreams come true and I'm not talking about guys or exs. Right now I'm focusing on getting a job and finishing my book! I have been trying to eat healthy and have started exercising which has really helped a lot. That's what has been getting me through these dark days! I'm trying to focus on my future not my past (even though everyday my past keeps creeping in my head!). I'm pulling myself up and not wanting to depend on other people to make me happy. I use to text a lot like 24/7, yes i was a crazy texter. If you saw me i would have my head down and my phone out texting every minute of the day but now i don't even touch my phone. I have stopped taking my phone everywhere i go (literary!)  now you don't see me text just rarely now. Even my best friend (my sis) said the other day she texted me a pic and heard my phone getting a text she said "I miss that sound." Anyways that's my life and my story take it how ever you want. For me I like to think of it as a brand you beginning.

Friday, July 8, 2011

I thought these cakes and cupcakes were soo cool and interesting.
You can make anything out of cake if you wanted to!!









Thursday, July 7, 2011

We all need hope!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

For 4th of july i went to the park with my 2 sisters and my cousin. It was hot and packed but it was worth it just to have some fun again! Here is just some pics of my 4th of july! Hope you enjoy.

all the people at the park

This fireworks look like a heart.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

  YOUR A PRETTY LITTLE LIAR!!!!!





Friday, June 10, 2011

Things I wanna do in my life!

Be in a movie
 in a music video
dancer and dance like no one is watching
play in a band
 a model
on a billboard
on a cover of a book
in the spotlight
swim in the ocean
surf
sing in a band
drive a boat
dye my hair all blue
cut my hair really short
dance in the rain until i get sick
travel everywhere and stay more than a month
try everything and anything
wear a stupid a hat and call it my job
an artist
streak
skinny dip
get drunk and not remember what happen
yell at the top of my lungs on the ruff of a building
change someones life for a good reason
mean something 
cheif
ski
swim with dolphins
take a cooking class
 in a dance marathon
in a commercial
be in "how i met your mother" the show
AN AUTHOR!!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Today i had a presentations in English.
I was really nervous but in the ended i got up there and talked and by the time it was over everyone clapped loud! My presentation wasn't boring and everyone liked it! I got an A! YAY!!! I'm soo happy its over and that i did a really great job!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Oh my gravy!!
I feel soo happy i don't know why but i feel good for the first time in soo long!!
Its weird but exciding.
 I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Its not how smart you are,
Its how well you can copy.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

So i made a new blog. I give advice to whoever wants it. here is the link to it. Please follow : )
http://somesoweeetadvice.blogspot.com/

Friday, May 6, 2011

so i took this emo quiz and this is what i found out.

A Little Emo. You are not really dark enough to be considered truly emo, but you are sensitive and can turn a bit depressed if you suffer a big enough disappointment. You understand the emo crowd, so many of them may be comfortable hanging around with you. Just be sure to rub off on them rather than the other way around.

Find out how Emo you are here
http://lin.sh/emo-quiz-app

Tuesday, May 3, 2011